Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Happy Birthday, Dad. You would've been 52 today. I love you so much and think about you all the time. Today wasn't even that difficult to get through at work... as terrible as that sounds, only because I simply just didn't think about today being your birthday. Ignoring everything makes it so much easier... but doing it makes me feel so effing shitty and guilty... it pains me. But I really hope that you know just how much I love you and how much I wish you were still here, and just how badly I wish I could change the past and do things over again. And I hope that you're looking past the way I act and everything I try to fill my mind with to get through every day. I don't mention you sometimes when I should because I don't want people to get uncomfortable... and I sometimes purposely push you out of my mind so I don't break down at the wrong time. I hope you're looking past all of that... I hope you know better... that your daughter can't handle it any other way... and that she loves you more than she could ever show.
