Jackie's Blog

So after missing a semester, I'm really grateful and fortunate to be able to graduate on time. I have just one semester left, and I should have everything planned out and ready to go. But I'm lost...more than I've ever been before. This past summer, I felt so resilient. Although, I don't think I'll ever recover from losing my Dad, I thought I was doing okay. I had a great internship, I knew what I wanted in life, knew the exact career I wanted to have after graduating, knew who I wanted to be with. What happened to all of that? I feel like I keep searching for things to make me feel more fulfilled, but maybe I'm chasing empty dreams. I don't know what will make me happy anymore. I mean... I'm definitely a happy person; don't get me wrong. I have the most loving family and friends around me that I am so appreciative of, and I'm having one of the best years at school because of great people... but without them, I really don't have anything for myself. I don't even know what I want for myself. If I could at least know what is best for me then I could just track along that path, but I feel like I'm aimlessly wandering on some eternal journey that I don't want to be on. I don't think I've been this confused in a long while. I wish I could go back 4 years. Maybe 6. There are so many things I would have done differently, so many more opportunities I wouldn't have thrown away, so many more questions I would have asked, and so many people I would have looked at more critically.

EDIT: Holy crap. Is this entry a byproduct of watching too much 'How I Met Your Mother'??! Sigh. Maybe I should stop watching it... but I'm almost done with Season 5.